Houston, we have a squirter
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
