3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
