but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
