I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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