I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Randomize