i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
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