I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
