whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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