I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Randomize
