My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Randomize