I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
is this the sara with the beer cane?
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
I can feel your judgement through the phone
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
