Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize
