i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
Mom said you looked used
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
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