Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
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