Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
Randomize
