thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Randomize
