I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
Randomize
