Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
Randomize
