It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Randomize
