eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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