Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Randomize
