I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
Why is your signature on my underwear?
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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