Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Randomize
