He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
