That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
I would fuck him just for his dog
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