Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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