well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
Randomize
