every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize