Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Randomize
