final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
