you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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