she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
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