I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Randomize
