im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
