Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
Randomize
