NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
