You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
We had sex on a dog bed..
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Randomize