Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
I think a kid would responsible me up
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
