More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
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