its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
