I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
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