So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
He? As in you personified your dick?
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
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