I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
Randomize
