he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
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