the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
