He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
