Heybabeimwearingurpanties
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
I AM VODKA MAN
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
