Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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