I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Randomize
