Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
