so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
