You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
I forget how to act sober
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
Randomize
