your thong is hanging out like whoa
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
