Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
Randomize
