I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
