you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Randomize
