Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Randomize
