I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
