oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
