im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Randomize
