Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
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