Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
Randomize
