Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
he just fucked me for my cheese.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
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