this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
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