They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
People with herpes should wear stickers.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
