I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
Randomize
