3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
