would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
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