I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
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