There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
My liver just had a heart attack.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
