meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
