We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
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