I'd wear matching sweaters with you
Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
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