It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
Randomize
