He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Randomize
