Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Randomize