he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
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