Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
