Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
No subtext here. People are naked.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
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