its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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