she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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