As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
Randomize
