the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Randomize
