pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
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